Please take a number

We heard from All God’s Children today.  They’ve reviewed our dossier and all of our paperwork is in order.  Amazing!  Well, actually I’m not all that surprised.  My wife has been spearheading the documentation phase of our adoption process and she is amazing.

When you look at the requirements list for an adoption dossier it is overwhelming.  Background checks, reference letters, letters of good health from doctors, and on and on.  Ethiopia will have more information on us that we ever knew existed.  The odds of getting all of the paperwork collected and getting it all collected right are pretty much stacked against you.  However, Mandy handled it all like a pro and we got it done – right.

We’ve been at this since October when we heard the call to adopt.  Most of the process has been extremely smooth except for trying to get records from Panama that state I have a clean record from 27 years ago when I lived there.  See Waiting for a Message.  That message finally arrived and here we are, waiting again.

We’ve had other trials along the way.  Right before Christmas we learned that Mandy had a miscarriage.  We did not even know she was pregnant.  That was just the beginning.  Three trips to the emergency room later, we discovered that it was not just a miscarriage but an ectopic pregnancy.

Apparently Mandy became pregnant in late November and had been suffering through an ectopic pregnancy for about a month.  The doctor tells us we are extremely fortunate that her tube never ruptured which could have been life threatening.  Mandy is still recovering.

I don’t understand God’s ways (Isaiah 55:8). Two years ago God convicted us that we never should have made the decision for me to get a vasectomy.  We made the decision out of fear and without much prayer.  So after much prayer, I had a reversal.  We did not make this decision for a desire to have another child.  We made it to be obedient.

Then this summer, God started working on our hearts to adopt.  It started when Moses came to live with us for a couple of months.  Then it grew until we knew what God wanted us to do and our hearts fell in love with the orphans in Ethiopia.

So if God wanted us to adopt, why did I have to have to have the reversal?  I’m not sure.  Did I do it out of guilt?  No.  I actually cried tears of joy on the operating table.  Doctor Leverett prayed over us before he started the surgery.  His ministry is to provide affordable reversals for Christian couples.  It felt like worship (until he actually started…).

Why did God allow Mandy to get pregnant only to have the pregnancy become ectopic.  If she had a successful pregnancy we would have been ineligible for our adoption and would of had to forfeit our money and dreams for our child in Ethiopia.  We did lose a child in the process that we had not even had a chance to dream about yet.  I’m not sure if I should feel relief or sorrow.  I think I feel both, how’s that?

What’s the plan God?

Psalms 25:4-5 (ESV)
⁴ Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths.
⁵ Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.

So what’s with the number 18?  That’s what number we are in line to get referred to our little boy in Ethiopia.  Whoop!

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Judge me, O Lord

Psalms 7:8-12 (ESV)
⁸ The Lord judges the peoples; judge me, O Lord, according to my righteousness and according to the integrity that is in me. ⁹ Oh, let the evil of the wicked come to an end, and may you establish the righteous— you who test the minds and hearts, O righteous God! ¹⁰ My shield is with God, who saves the upright in heart. ¹¹ God is a righteous judge, and a God who feels indignation every day. ¹² If a man does not repent, God will whet his sword; he has bent and readied his bow;

As I read this Psalm, I ask myself, am I bold enough tell God to judge my righteousness and my integrity?  I know for the most part I’m a pretty good guy.  I try to live with integrity.  However, what about the little white lies that come out sometimes without even thinking about it?  How about when I get annoyed or lose my temper, even if I don’t show it?  What about driving 75 when the speed limit is 65?

These may seem like small things.  However, If I pray this Psalm, I’m telling a perfect and holy God to judge me.  It’s not even just my actions that this Psalm is asking God to judge.  It’s the integrity that is in me, it’s a heart issue.

When it comes to salvation of my soul, I know I am saved by faith alone.  My faith in Jesus as Lord means I was justified when He rose from the dead (Romans 4:25).  However, I don’t know that this Psalm is necessarily about my eternal salvation.

David was asking for protection from his enemies.  He was asking God to judge him, and then based on that judgment, save him from his wicked enemies.  We know David was just a man.  While a man after God’s own heart, he was able to fall to some serious sins in his life, like adultery and murder.  So how was he able to be so bold as to ask God to judge him before rescuing him?

I think the key is Psalms 7:12, “If a man does not repent, God will whet his sword; he has bent and readied his bow;”.  Before I seek God’s protection, I should first seek his forgiveness.

So what is the life application here for me?  At the beginning of this Psalm (Psalms 7:1-2), David is pleading with God to save him from his pursuers that want to tear his soul apart like a lion.  Can I really relate to this plea?  I don’t think I have anyone pursuing me like a lion.  Or do I?

1 Peter 5:8 (ESV)
⁸ Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

Maybe I better get down on my knees and repent so that when I ask God to judge me and deliver me, he will find an upright heart.

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Rescue Me

Psalms 6:1-10 (ESV)
¹ To the choirmaster: with stringed instruments; according to the Sheminith. A Psalm of David. O Lord, rebuke me not in your anger, nor discipline me in your wrath. ² Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am languishing; heal me, O Lord, for my bones are troubled. ³ My soul also is greatly troubled. But you, O Lord—how long? ⁴ Turn, O Lord, deliver my life; save me for the sake of your steadfast love. ⁵ For in death there is no remembrance of you; in Sheol who will give you praise? ⁶ I am weary with my moaning; every night I flood my bed with tears; I drench my couch with my weeping. ⁷ My eye wastes away because of grief; it grows weak because of all my foes. ⁸ Depart from me, all you workers of evil, for the Lord has heard the sound of my weeping. ⁹ The Lord has heard my plea; the Lord accepts my prayer. ¹⁰ All my enemies shall be ashamed and greatly troubled; they shall turn back and be put to shame in a moment.

It has been a while since my spirit has grieved like David talks about in this Psalm.  However, I have been there.  Maybe not with men wanting to kill me, but certainly with Satan wanting to destroy me and my family.

It’s interesting to note that in many of David’s psalms of distress, he starts with painful and fearful laments, but he ends with confidence and encouragement. He knows God is still listening and God will answer his prayers. I think that’s how God wants us to come to him.

God wants us to lay it all out there, our pain, our sorrow, our fears, and our doubts.  As we pour out our hearts, if we also take the time to pause and just listen, God is faithful to respond.  Your worldly troubles will probably not vanish instantly, although they may, but God’s Spirit will comfort  you, so you too can end your prayer with confidence, encouragement, and praise.

I do wonder, does God respond when we hold back?  If I talk to Him like an acquaintance, that I don’t want to bother with how much I really hurt, will I be able to receive His comforting presence?  Or, will He hold back, until I bring Him everything?

Father, forgive me for my unfaithfulness, and sometimes my pride, that keeps me from pouring out my heart to you.  Thank you for always being faithful, for always hearing my plea, and for accepting my insufficient prayers.

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Prayer, Sacrifice and Expectations

Psalms 5:3 (ESV)
³ O Lord, in the morning you hear my voice; in the morning I prepare a sacrifice for you and watch.

David is confident that God hears his prayers.  He knows God is listening and he is confident that God will answer.  He prepares a sacrifices and watches for God’s answer.

Is this how I pray?  Do I pray with the confidence that God is listening?  Do I sacrifice to God each morning and then watch for His answers?

If you were to ask me, my intellectual answer will be that I know God hears my prayers.  However, I question how my faith matches that belief.  If I really had faith that the God of the universe is listening, praying without ceasing would be much easier.

How about that morning sacrifice? 

Romans 12:1 (ESV)
¹ I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.

Each and every morning I should present myself again to God as a living sacrifice.  I need to give each day to him.

Of all the lessons in this verse, watching may be the toughest.  At least it is for me.  Maybe it is a faith issue again.  However, even if I believe God is listening, I often wonder if I really expect God to answer my prayers. 

It’s not that I don’t think God is active in this world or capable of directly answering my prayers.  It’s just that rather than expect an answer, I expect no answer.  It’s like if I expect no answer, I will never be disappointed.

David sacrifices and then watches.  Watching here denotes an expectation.  He’s prayed to God and watches in expectation for God to answer His prayers.

I wonder how often I miss God’s answers because I do not watch expectantly for His answer.

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A New Day

Psalms 3:5 (ESV)
⁵ I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the Lord sustained me.

I have often struggled reading the Psalms in the past.  Mostly because many are laments of David’s struggles and I often feel like I can’t relate to people wanting to kill me.

However, I’m getting better at appreciating God’s voice in these Psalms.  This verse hits home for me.  Everyday that I wake up is a new day God has given me.  Why has God blessed me with a new day?  So that He can work through me today for His good pleasure (Phil 2:13) which in turn blesses me with pleasure as well.  One day it may be to face a horrific challenge.  One day it may be to just enjoy the day that He has given me.

The point is, I went to bed and I awoke again, only by the grace of God for his good pleasure.  How do I please God today so that I may join Him in His pleasure?

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Fear and Rejoicing

Psalms 2:11 (ESV)
¹¹ Serve the Lord with fear, and rejoice with trembling.

If God is love, why would I need to serve Him with fear or rejoice in Him with trembling?  This does not sound like love.  I certainly don’t want my children being obedient to me only because of fear?

The context of this verse is God looking at an evil world with evil rulers.  God sends his Son, Jesus Christ, to establish a new kingdom and the world’s rulers need to recognize the Son as their ruler, or face God’s wrath.

Since I’m not a king, does this verse apply to me?

You bet it does.  In my sinful nature, who is “the man”?  I’m the man.  It’s about me.  Even if I am a generous man, it is about my causes.  In my sinful nature, it’s not about God.

In my sinful nature (that I struggle with daily):

God is there.  Jesus is there.  However, I take both for granted, because I am “the man.”  God loves me because that is who He is. He has to love me, regardless of my choices and my lifestyle.  That’s why he died for me.  Because he loves me and of course, a loving God, will save me.

Now, I may not really be so bold in my minimizing who God really is, as in my sarcastic dialog above.  However, do I really sit back and meditate on how awesome, gigantic, inspiring, perfect and powerful God really is?

I have no right to any grace and mercy from God.  I shun him every time I have a selfish thought, every time I have a jealous impulse, every time my eyes linger on a provocative billboard, every time I speak a word that breaks down someone rather than edify them, every time I make myself and my cause the main thing. 

Yes, God has given me grace and mercy by the sacrificing of His own Son.  But I don’t deserve it.  Everyday, I need to hold onto that grace and mercy with fear and trembling – and rejoice!

Scripture Thursday Participants

1. GPARTHA 2. vikki at Livin’ the Life

3. carol 4. mel avila alarilla

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Joyful Meditation

I have seen blog posts dedicated to Wordless Wednesday. I think this is a type of meme but then I’m not 100% sure I understand what a meme is all about. In any case, similar to Wordless Wednesdays, welcome to Scripture Thursday.

At least for the time being, I am going to dedicate Thursdays to a post on a particular bible passage. One of my goals will be to help improve my own discipline of reading my bible and then meditating on what God is telling me. If I can do this daily, I should have something worth sharing at least once a week.

This is not a meme, in that I’m not asking anyone to post their own Scripture Thursday (although anyone is welcome to it).  This is just a devotional post with the benefit of allowing you to promote your link.  Leave your name and link if you enjoy what you read here. Please post a comment as well and share your thoughts. Commenters are more likely to have others check out their site.

What better scripture to start off Scripture Thursdays than Psalm 1:2.

Psalms 1:2 (ESV) 2 but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night.

There are two sides to this verse and it is easy to miss one or both sides.

1. You can read God’s Word everyday, memorize scripture, and meditate on it. However, does it “delight” you? Or is this a discipline that is a burden?

2. You can delight in God’s Word but fail to meditate on it day and night. Life can get too busy and even though you delight in God’s Word you don’t have time for it.

I usually fall into the second camp. I delight in reading and studying the bible but I often neglect it for life’s other “must do’s”.

• I miss in the morning because I had to leave the house by 5:30am.
• I fail to stop and pray during the day because I drown myself in email and meetings from the time I walk into the office until I leave.
• I don’t spend time in the evening in God’s Word because time is already short with my family and after the kids are in bed I’m too tired.

None of these are good excuses.

Father, thank you for “delighting” my heart with your Word when I do spend the time in it. Forgive me for not giving you the time that I should. All 24 hours are yours to give and take away. Help me to remember to start my time each day with you.
Amen.

Scripture Thursday Participants

1. Mandy 2. Jena Isle

3. Christina W. 4. GPARTHA

5. BunGirl 6. carol

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